If we had known

... One dispatch in seven parts parts

1.

I am missing the person I used to be

And the person who is my daughter

Or was my daughter

And maybe she is missing her mom

I am missing what I used to know

And where we used to live

And the “Hannah tree”

We planted when she was small.

And the stones on the path

And the old well

And the old barn,

And the old black walnut trees and the back porch

2.

“I know where I am and I have all the time in the world” has been suggested as an affirmation

but -- I don’t have all the time in the world.

3.

There are 4,490 “drawbacks to being dead.”

I googled it.

I would have guessed way more.

4.

What will happen first

Losing my

balance my friends my mind

hold on to me

will you?

Hold on to me

Before I slip

Away

Can you hold me so I won’t?

Can I hold you?

Will you stay?

5.

If we had known

We might have walked slower

We might have seen more

We might have loved deeper

We might have heard more

We might have hurt less

We might have noticed the “little” things that are big

And “big” things that aren’t.

We might have embraced what we’d lose

In the end

What matters most is

How well did you live

How well did you love

How well did you learn to let go

6.

I have received today

Let me give it a 10 out of 10.

Or way more than 10.

Let me give it all I have.

7.

I can’t read well, and don’t remember stuff for longer than 2.3 seconds because I was hit by a drunk with a truck.  I lost my phone, my mind and my agent. Make that “former agent.” Also my former career.

I am writing a book called either Amnesic Memoir or Losing My Mind and Getting a New One or J and the Jaws of Life or Dispatch from Bewilderness. In my spare time, I have learned to walk, talk and build homes for birds.

Please consider “liking” this and/or my other posts. It might help me attract a new agent at a tough time in a tougher-than-ever business — and perhaps publish a pre-posthumous book.

Thank you