Heads-Up Airport Attire

A dispatch from bewilderness

I’m thinking of strange combinations. Like the kind in my inbox every day. Today, there’s an All Patterns Sushi Oversized Sweatshirt Blanket with Pockets, from Amazon, of course. Also sold at Amazon, LightSaber Chopsticks to light up your sushi or any food you choose. At this writing, the LightSaber Chopsticks have amassed a 4.5 star rating and 17,200 reviews.

These are accompanied by 99,999,999,999 other things on Amazon, such as an Ostrich Sleep Pillow, shown below. Amazon suggests you use it when you travel and/or for a power nap. I suggest it might surprise both your seatmates and your mates at the airport.

photograph from Amazon

Next, there’s an email from “Country Meadowlands,” which is a less than luxe nursing home which sports a plastic plant or two. These are chain nursing homes or franchises like fast food and mufflers.  Back to Amazon, your loved ones can install you in a room there with a Hands-Free Umbrella Hat in case the ceiling springs a leak.

photograph from Amazon.

Next, I click Science News and learn if a certain supplement can solve 16.7 problems I didn’t know I had. I also see a sale on organic foods, complete with cooking demos and tastings of cherry pie. You can also get 75% off select items somewhere in the back with promo code WHEREISIT, which is way too small to read.

Still on Science News, I learn that a single human nose is comprised of two noses, which work in an alternating cycle connected to the armpits. You can’t make this stuff up. Or rather, you can, but I’m not.

Next, I turn to Congressional News which corroborates that the way things now work in Congress is that they don’t. Last, I imagine a female about my age who considers onboarding an Ostrich Hat and boarding an UFO.