Recent Acquisition

...Apology: I inadvertently published the same piece with the same title and two different visuals.

I’ve been up four minutes, and already facing a big decision: which to click first — the man who mowed a message for his ex-wife to see, or the frozen iguanas falling from trees. Seems they, too, are losing their grip.

Which may be why I once envisioned myself as an exhibit at a natural history museum. A mannequin labeled as a continuing care retirement community geriatric mess. A species that tends to leave fridges open, appliances on. A sign below the glass instructs, “Please do not upset our recent acquisition.”

A few weeks ago, I met a man who may have — just may have — possessed tenderness and strength. Plus he looked good, too. So I asked myself if I had spinach between my teeth. Evidently, the answer was yes. Exit man.

I recently moved to a CCRC. A Continuing Care Retirement Community. It is the only CCRC anywhere near this neck of the woods, and clearly the best as a result. This just in: it’s now an LPC, not a CCRC. Life Plan Community. They plan how long we’ll live there. Rather, how long we’ll live. Actuarial P&L stuff.

I look around the dining room and see a brave band of people originally from somewhere else move somewhere new as someone old. A frontier saga of sorts. As we aged, we were canceled, cast aside, as old people often are. Except here. Where we are the bottom line.

In Independent Living, where 80% of us live, there are tons of distinguished people, or as one of my friends calls them, PIPs. Pretty Important People. Or People in Power a few years back. A ton of influence and affluence, too.

Plus many former academics. Like the former philosophy professor. Tonight he’s sitting with the former physics professor discussing the evolving promise of I forget what.

You might wonder about the food, as we are in the dining room. If I were reviewing, I’d say one small step for bland, one smaller step for bland-kind. Small portions, and a bit dry, too. Occasional forays into Anchovy Butter or a shred of radicchio. Portions are small for slowed senior metabolisms. Then smaller for slower senior metabolisms.

Delete the defibrillators and it looks a bit like Downton, the chamomile of costume drama from across the pond. You know, prestige productions with castles, queens and classical music. We enter the Gilded Age. In slow motion, of course. Nothing is overdone, except the occasional piece of salmon left a bit too long on the grill.